Rejection in the context of autism usually signifies social rejection. But in this blog I share some thoughts about the tendency of autistic people to reject thoughtful suggestions that might benefit them if pursued.
A sense of threat
I think what typically occurs with individuals on the autism spectrum is that they have a particular thought process or pathway in their mind. When someone abruptly proposes something, even if it could be beneficial for them, they tend to reject it. They perceive any interruption to their established flow as a potential threat, triggering a defensive response.
The person suggesting the idea believes that the autistic person is making a mistake and insists on pushing the suggestion. They might become annoyed and irritated due to the autistic person’s reaction, leading them to say unpleasant things in frustration. This, in turn, causes the autistic person to reject the suggestion even more. Alternatively, the suggester may feel sorry for the autistic person and not persist with the suggestion. Neither approach is right.
Rejection and regret
At times, the instinct of the autistic person might be correct, but on other occasions, they might realise that the suggestion was actually good. However, due to various reasons, it becomes challenging for them to pursue it. They may feel too proud to admit that it was indeed a good idea and that they shouldn’t have initially rejected it, and expressing willingness to consider it now can be difficult.
However, there are instances when they more aware of their tendency to reject ideas and after a while they become open to considering the suggestion, but it no longer fits well into their current circumstances. Their response is reactive. They start considering the suggestion after the initial rejection has led them down a path that didn’t yield the desired outcome. By the time they consider it, they carry a sense of failure, and their enthusiasm and motivation have tapered. While it may not be too late in theory, the timing may no longer be right for them.
The challenge for well-wishers I can’t really tell you exactly what a well-wisher ought to do, except that it is essential to avoid irritating the autistic person as it will make them nearly incapable of considering any suggestion properly. The well-wisher needs to try to align their ideas to the autistic person’s way of thinking. Of course, that’s easier said than done.
I’ve encountered so many ineffective strategies for autism that I’m loath to propose any myself. But I will say this much. Trying to reinforce advice by referring to such propensities as described in this article is likely to be counterproductive. The autistic person might already be aware of their resistance to new ideas and it may well be a cause of much self-loathing and regret. In that case your reminder will only serve to frustrate them further and set their mind even more firmly against anything you say.